Remember this?
Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Go on, I'm listening.
Tommy: Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?
[chuckles until he sees that Ted is not laughing]
Ted Nelson, Customer: [impatiently] What's your point?
Tommy: The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy; well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser, and your daughter's knocked up. I seen it a hundred times.
Ted Nelson, Customer: But why do they put a guarantee on the box?
Tommy: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
Unfortunately, when it comes to search marketing for your law firm, there are a lot of crazy glue sniffing Guarantee Fairies making ridiculous guarantees about what they can do. In fact, I can't count the number of times that I have seen search engine optimization companies peddling guaranteed rankings. In case you have any doubt:
Don't buy a guaranteed piece of s*** seo program for your law firm. If someone is selling guaranteed rankings, click delete, hang up, or politely ask them to leave. No one can guarantee organic rankings and no one has a special relationship with Google.
If you're trying vet a search marketing outfit, Google provides some useful questions to ask:
So for your professional reputation's sake, for your law firm's sake, for your daughter's sake, if you outsource your law firm seo, make sure you find someone who is transparent and accountable.
On April 22, 2025, Google sent an email updating Local Services Ads Additional Terms for Providers: Subject: Action required: important updates to Local Service Ads Additional Terms Many people are arguing that lawyers cannot participate in Local Services Ads, as this would constitute a per se violation of the Rules of Professional Conduct related to […]
Conrad and I recently joined Zack at Lawyerist to record a conversation about AI and marketing. You might think that we spend the whole time on how lawyers can use AI to publish content. You'd be wrong. While AI can certainly support publishing, there are many more interesting ways to use it in legal marketing. […]
As more legal services consumers turn to ChatGPT for local law firm recommendations, a fascinating intersection between AI, search, and maps unfolds. While Google remains the undisputed leader in local business data, ChatGPT is increasingly becoming an entry point for searchers seeking legal representation. But here’s the kicker: instead of keeping users within its ecosystem, […]
When law firms contact us, they usually want to talk: • PPC Ads • SEO Rankings • Lead Generation Very few want to talk: • Brand • Trust & Recognition • Emotional Connection Admittedly, much of this concerns that AttorneySync is known for lead generation across those common digital channels. But even when we start […]
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I'm grateful for my friend, Charley Mann of Law firm Alchemy. If you're a lawyer, subscribe to his Free Email List. In a recent email, Charley calls out bad guru advice on hiring: "Trying to execute a major SEO improvement? You need to find people who will help you, instead of trying to DIY it […]
If you’ve spent any time on LinkedIn, you’ve likely seen posts from law firm SEO experts showing off charts with an “up and to the right” trajectory. These screenshots, often pulled from tools like Semrush or Ahrefs, are meant to signal SEO success. And it’s not just the agencies celebrating—𝗹𝗮𝘄 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗺𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 […]
Meh, links! All things being equal, links still tend to move the dial more than any other factor in legal SERPs. Maybe links are having a diminishing impact internet-wide. But in my experience, quality links, especially relevant links (both topically and geographically), tend to improve law firm visibility in search more than most everything else. […]
When you think of "marketing," what's the first thing that comes to mind? Ads? SEO? Social Media? What about: Helping others?Taking the lead? Rallying around your community? Need an example? Learn from Bart Siniard at Siniard Law Injury Attorneys efforts to help rebuild Mary's Pit BBQ. These efforts aren't about marketing. They're about supporting a […]
